Real letters from real geeks

The World's Worst Resignation Letter

Dear management:

While I'm more or less grateful for all the years of employment (and paycheques) the time has come for yours truly to shut 'er down. Yeah, I gotta quit. Look, I know it's cliché but let's not fuck the babysitter here: it ain't you, it's me, you know?

This company is growing faster than a tumour and I couldn't be more excited. Our stock has increased steadily and investors are shitting themselves like the lunch crowd at the Legion. But related to this growth seems to be an increase in my workload and responsibilities. And to be honest, I'm not really feeling that.

Plus, no one gave a shit about my ideas. My suggestion for a larger fridge in the breakroom was met with guffaws. And when I suggested a Tropical Thursday where we crank the heat and wear bathing suits all day, I was told I was "out of line." It's not like I raped someone. Yet. (Jokes!)

This isn't about money, yo. Put that shit away.

Now, I will sincerely miss everyone. (Even that slut Michelle that everybody hates.) And I hope that my departure doesn't cause too much grief and heartache. Though I have only worked at Mr. Sub for two months now, in that time I feel like we've become a kind of family. I know I'm going to be bummed for a couple of days after my last shift, but don't worry: I'll be sure to visit lots and hit y'all up for some free subs.

Thanks again for the opportunity. I look forward to the free subs.

PEACE,

Harvey