Another strange interaction between Harvey and the portly store owner

Harvey: If you could send one thing up into space, what would it be?
Miranda: Nothing.
Harvey: But whatever you send, if discovered by a superior alien race, would serve to represent all of humanity. Don't you see? This is important!
Miranda: Fine, I'd send you up there.
Harvey:
Miranda:
Harvey: (choking back tears) I'm flattered.
Miranda: Please don't be.

Another strange interaction between Harvey and the portly store owner

Harvey: You don't sell carrots do you?
Miranda: They're right over there.
Harvey: But those are bright orange.
Miranda: And...?
Harvey: Isn't it obvious?
Miranda: Not to me.
Harvey:
Miranda:
Harvey: These pants are chartreuse. I'll be a laughing stock.
Miranda: Those look more nyanza to me.

Another strange interaction between Harvey and the portly store owner

Harvey: I can't seem to find any hand soup.
Miranda: You can't find what?
Harvey: Hand soup.
Miranda: Hand...
Harvey: ...soup.
Miranda: Right. I thought that's what you said. That doesn't exist. I think you made a verbal typo, and you're not owning up to it.
Harvey:
Miranda:
Harvey: Do you have bar soup instead?
Miranda: Just get the hell out.

Another strange interaction between Harvey and the portly store owner

Harvey: Merry Christmas!
Miranda: But you don't celebrate Christmas.
Harvey: So? Does that mean I can't wish other people a Merry Christmas?
Miranda: Actually, yeah.
Harvey:
Miranda:
Harvey: Happy Chanukkah?
Miranda: I don't celebrate Channukah.
Harvey: This sucks.
Miranda: I know. Happy holidays.

Another strange interaction between Harvey and the portly store owner

Harvey: I would say that ABBA is pretty underrated as a band, don't you think?
Miranda: I don't know.
Harvey: I mean, have you actually listened to their early work? There's a lot of good stuff in there.
Miranda: I haven't listened to it. Were you planning on buying something today?
Harvey: Take their debut album Ring, Ring for example. It's really more schlager or folk-pop than disco.
Miranda:
Harvey:
Miranda:
Harvey: I take it you prefer Voulez Vous?
Miranda: OK, get the fuck out now.

Another strange interaction between Harvey and the portly store owner

Harvey: Just this box of facial tissues please.
Miranda: That'll be $2.99.
Harvey: You know, the problem with democracy is that it just doesn't work.
Miranda: You're thinking of Mexicans.
Harvey: You're a racist.
Miranda: You're a communist.
Harvey:
Miranda:
Harvey: Touché.
Miranda: Douche.

Another strange interaction between Harvey and the portly store owner

Harvey: I've never noticed this product before. What is it?
Miranda: It's ground coffee.
Harvey: It's ground?
Miranda: Grounds.
Harvey: So this is literally earth?
Miranda:
Harvey:
Miranda: Look, do you want it or what?
Harvey: Yeah. Give me a few hundred pounds.

Another strange interaction between Harvey and the portly store owner

Harvey: You know something?
Miranda: What's that?
Harvey: In all the years I've been coming here, I've never, ever, gotten to know your name.
Miranda:
Harvey:
Miranda: I've probably told you over a hundred times, Harvey. It's on my nametag.
Harvey: Sorry, just once more and I'll have it down. I promise.

Another strange interaction between Harvey and the portly store owner

Harvey: Where do you keep the milk?
Miranda: Where do you think?
Harvey: I assume you keep it refrigerated.
Miranda: You assume correctly.
Harvey: So...
Miranda:
Harvey:
Miranda: So... check the refrig-
Harvey: Refrigerator! Yes, yes, I know.  You don't have to tell me.

Another strange interaction between Harvey and the portly store owner

Harvey: What do you call this thing again?
Miranda: An umbrella?
Harvey:
Miranda:
Harvey:
Miranda: It's for the rain?
Harvey: Oh, of course.  I'll take a half dozen.

Another strange interaction between Harvey and the portly store owner

Harvey: Do you sell any interesting knick-knacks?
Miranda: I'm sorry?
Harvey: Or some kind of useful bric-à-brac?
Miranda: You'll have to be more specific.
Harvey: (Frustrated) You know what I mean. I'm looking for a thingamabob… that does stuff.
Miranda: I have no idea what you're talking about.
Harvey: I just need some random doodad attached to a thingamajigger. And it has to be under $10.
Miranda:
Harvey:
Miranda:  I have a teapot with a built-in barometer.
Harvey: That should do.

Another strange interaction between Harvey and the portly store owner

Harvey: Do you carry chocolate milk?
Miranda: Yeah, it's right beside the regular milk.
Harvey: What do you mean by "regular" milk?  Are you saying that chocolate milk is not "regular" just because it's not white?  And I suppose you feel the same way about people.
Miranda: That's right.
Harvey:  That's racist!
Miranda: I know.
Harvey:
Miranda:
Harvey: This isn't fun when you aren't denying it.
Miranda: Anything else?
Harvey: A bag of brown rice and this box of facial tissues.

Another strange interaction between Harvey and the portly store owner

Harvey: I'll have another barkeep.
Miranda: This isn't a bar.  And you haven't ordered anything yet.
Harvey: I'll just get the usual then.
Miranda: You don't have a "usual."  In fact I'm pretty sure you've never ordered the same thing twice.
Harvey: All right, just give me the special.
Miranda: This is a variety store, we don't have specials.  What do you want?
Harvey: I just want the soup of the day.
Miranda: Fine.  It's minestrone.

Another strange interaction between Harvey and the portly store owner

Miranda: Well I haven't seen you for a while.
Harvey: I quit!
Miranda: You did? No wonder. When?
Harvey: Oh, it was about... three years ago. Right before I got the job I have now.
Miranda:
Harvey:
Miranda: How does that explain your absence recently?
Harvey: Oh, no, it doesn't. I was on vacation.

Another strange interaction between Harvey and the portly store owner

Harvey: I can never remember, is apple a fruit or a vegetable?
Miranda: You can't keep track? It's always a fruit.
Harvey: I don't know. It's one of those tricky ones. Like pickles.
Miranda: A pickle is neither fruit or vegetable. Pickles are made from cucumbers -- which are vegetables.
Harvey: Are you sure? I think pickles count as vegetables.
Miranda: You're wrong.
Harvey: No way! They're green. Name one edible thing that's green that's not a vegetable.
Miranda:
Harvey:
Miranda: Good point.

Another strange interaction between Harvey and the portly store owner

Miranda: So, did you watch the inauguration?
Harvey: For what?
Miranda: For president...?
Harvey:
Miranda: Of the United States?
Harvey:
Miranda: ...of America?
Harvey: Oh, lord no. Who won?
Miranda: (sighs) It was a tie.

Another strange interaction between Harvey and the portly store owner

Harvey: Wait a minute. This package of pitted prunes says, "may contain pits".
Miranda: Yeah, so? You can't expect them to get every one, can you?
Harvey: Why not? I mean, that's the basic idea behind this product! That's really all there is to it. It's like saying "educated man may not be educated" or "peppered steak may not be peppered" or "2% milk might be 1%". This is unacceptable. It's not like I'm asking them to do much here. Just remove the pits from--
Miranda: Will that be all?
Harvey:
Miranda:
Harvey: You know, I should get a discount if I find one with a pit.
Miranda: You got it, bub. You can bring it back here for a full refund on that prune.
Harvey: ...well, all right.

Another strange interaction between Harvey and the portly store owner

Harvey: I think you should know that I am officially off the market.
Miranda: Off the market?
Harvey: Yeah. I'm through looking. I'm sick of personal ads, blind dates, getting set up, singles events, bookstores, grocery stores, clubs, bars, prostitutes, all of it. I am done.
Miranda: That's not "off the market". That's called "giving up".
Harvey:
Miranda:
Harvey: Sigh. Just this box of facial tissues.

Another strange interaction between Harvey and the portly store owner

Miranda: Just so you know, we're having a sale on mustard.
Harvey: Oh, thanks, but I'm trying to quit.
Miranda: You're trying to quit... mustard?
Harvey: It has an unforgiving hold on me. It's yellow cocaine.
Miranda: Well, you do tend to buy a lot. But are you sure you need to quit?
Harvey: Enabler! I have a problem. Why can't you respect that?
Miranda: It's buy two get one free.
Harvey: I'll take twelve.

Another strange interaction between Harvey and the portly store owner

Harvey: Life's funny you know.
Miranda: How's that?
Harvey: Well, look at us. Every day fussing over dollars and cents and our morning coffee when there is an infinity beyond us overhead. Life truly is: "A brief flash of lush foam/On a cold stone/In a vast and soundless void."
Miranda: What's that? A poem?
Harvey: Oh, that? I just came up with that now.
Miranda: Lovely.
Harvey:
Miranda:
Harvey: So...
Miranda: No! Not a chance. You buy breakfast here every day; you know how much it costs.
Harvey: Fine, take back the muffin. I'll just take the coffee.