Exuberance would be purple, I think

I'm not really sure how to spell the word halloween. I've seen it spelled "hall-o-ween"and "hallowe'en" and "all hallow's eve" but I'm not really sure what the crucial differences are between these. It's not a holiday I ever celebrated with much gusto. Even as a child, I spent more years doling out candy than soliciting for it door-to-door. Begging isn't my scene: I prefer to evaluate people and watch television.

That, and I'm very picky about costumes. This is a day where one can be anything they want (my emphasis), so to don oneself in a Dollar store mask is not just unseemly, it's a tremendous waste of an opportunity. ("Gypsy" is a pretty lame costume idea also.)

Here's a few ideas I've been kicking around. This h'allowe-en, feel free to go as:

• CareBear™ that doesn't give a fuck
• The answer to the sphinx's riddle
• Hitler wearing a yarmulke
• 4" dildo (not to scale)
• Hot dog enthusiast
• Guy with cancer and AIDS and a headache
• Sundog
• The laughter of a young child
• Chinaman from the future
• Ku Klux Klam
• Procrastination
• The answer to a multiple choice question
• Natural causes
• Irish potato famine
• Obesity scare personified
• Frank discussion
• Part one of four
• Exuberance
• Flood insurance
• Unblemished record
• World Promise Keeping Champion
• Tired of listening
• Fussbucket
• "Pre-drunk, I mean--drunk"
• 1880s
• A basic assessment
• A halloween costume list

Not for the novice to be sure, but nothing that a quick trip to a craft shop can't fix. Make sure to pick up extra hot glue sticks.