Compatibility test

Before a first date I like to ask the following three questions.  Depending on the answers to these questions, I can gauge whether or not the relationship will be a success.

You are waiting in line at Burger King and the person in front of you is taking a long time to order.  You're on a date with a person you really like, and you're both too hungry to find another restaurant. Do you:

1. Tap your foot impatiently then sigh loudly.
2. Patiently wait until it's your turn.
3. Blurt out, "Jesus Christ could you hurry the fuck up?"
4. Strangle the straggler with your bare fucking hands.

After a long day at work, you board the commuter train and spot only one seat left.  You and an elderly woman notice it at the same time.  You know the right thing to do, but you're tired.  Do you:

1. Move quickly to take the seat before she does, and pretend you didn't notice her.
2. Offer the seat as a kind gesture.
3. Glare at the old woman until she backs down.
4. Push the lady off the train at the next stop.

You are at an outdoor concert for your favourite band, U2, and it starts raining.  Problem is, you're wearing your favourite leather bomber jacket.  You don't want to leave what's sure to be an amazing show.  A person nearby has an umbrella.  Do you:

1.  Ask politely to step under the umbrella.
2. Ask politely to borrow the umbrella.
3. Take the fucking umbrella.
4. Get wet and enjoy the rest of the concert singing out loud with glee.

Consider for yourself what your best answers would be.  If you chose "A" for all your options, you fail.  Ditto if you chose all "B"s or "C"s.  If you answered "D": are you fucking kidding me?

Or any of the answers really.  Because this is more than an compatibility test, it's an aptitude test.  And if you can just sit there calmly while I hypothesize that your favourite band is U2, then sorry, this isn't going to work out.

The ideal candidate would answer (a little) something like this:

1. "Why am I on a date at Burger King?"
2. Either "B" or "If I lived in the 'burbs I would decapitate myself with garden shears."
3. "I would strangle Bono with my bare fucking hands." or "Obnoxiously request "Discotheque" until I am escorted out of the concert by force."

I would also accept sexual overtures for partial credit.