You'll have to forgive me. I'm a little buzzed from this Casal Domingo Light Wine Cooler. Oh, have you never tried it? It's a delightfully fresh and airy white wine cooler -- and it's getting me fucked. After only a few sips I can barely distinguish between the 30 or so different tropical fruits on the bottle's label -- I have a feeling the toucan perched atop the banner proclaiming "Tropical Splash" just asked me something. What's that, toucan friend? I am having trouble understanding him as his beak seldom moves and the glare of the glossy wrap on this delicious potable is hurting my eyes. I'm going to pay for this tomorrow.
Mm.. every sip of this magical potion transports me to a sweat-drenched journey through a citrus jungle. Armed with my machete and my toucan on my shoulder, I hack through thickets of cantaloupe trees and pineapple bushes. I face lemon elves fighting to strike me down to the jungle floor. Pausing I take a sip from hip flask as a dragonfly made of ... oh, I don't know, mango, buzzes by.
Ahh... the cool concoction gives me life in the humid tropical density. This delicate hybrid of white wine and every-single-tropical-fruit-ever, wanders delicately over my taste buds like lava on an Italian city. I drain my flask and throw it fitfully at the nearest monkey.
God, these things are awful. I need a real drink.
