Reasons for committing suicide

Sometimes you got it. But you definitely don't. For that extra push, please consider these reasons for doing the right thing:

• Kicked out of Tommy Lasorda fan club
• Only talent: folding fitted sheets
• Wore bowling shoes home
• Caught mid-air-guitar
• Shouted "anal beads" really loudly in restaurant
• You can only parallel park
• Misspelled every word in your offensive tattoo
• Could only afford pre-owned discount anal beads and admitted it loudly in a restaurant
• Broke the first rule of Fight Club
• Not a thing to wear
• One quarter short for the dryer
• You hate your goddamn worthless fucking life
• Spent all your savings on pre-Mayan apocalypse debauchery
• Bored

The window is to your left.