Dear President Obama,
Congratulations on securing a second term as the president of the weirdest fucking country on the planet not counting the Philippines or Japan. Actually China is pretty weird too. Not to mention Australia and New Zealand; those two are completely fucked up. I suppose I should also include Guinea-Bissau, but then I would have to mention a host of equally shitty African countries. Let me stop there.
So good luck. America hasn't been the since country since I was first told about it about two and a half decades ago. Back then America was mostly interested in hairspray and soft drinks and Ronald Reagan. Now in 2012, hairspray has been replaced by a divisive vitriolic brand of politics, soft drinks remain soft drinks, and Ronald Reagan is now you. So don't fuck this up.
Not that you need any more pressure, but it's important that you do (whatever it is that you do) stronger, faster, better and harder than you ever have before. Be sure never to mention those words in that order in public.
But seriously, sucks about the gig. I can't imagine you'd prefer the stress of being president when you can write a book instead and make appearance fees for walking into the auditoriums of the highly-willing-to-pay and watch your country crumble around you. It's not too shabby.
So in short, good fucking luck. You're going to need it.
Harvey
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