- I'm not tempted to have sex with dogs, and am therefore less likely to waste my time watching them eat and chuckling at their not-really-that-funny observations.
- I never have to pretend that I like the same music as a dog.
- Dogs are 100% sure of what they want at all times, viz., to drool on you.
- Dogs don't text me with "UGH. I hate men" at two in the morning.
- Were a dog to ask my opinion on something (which it won't) it would not respond with "Really? But those shoes are so ugly."
- Dogs can't talk, and they don't have stupid ideas.
- Dogs aren't obsessed with yogurt.
- Dogs don't own 50 pairs of shoes.
- Dogs don't tell you that it's OK if we don't visit their parents this weekend, but then check with several times leading up to Friday, if you "still don't want to go," which like, I clearly don't — that's why I said I didn't want to go — but then, will get her way with persistent and healthy doses of guilt and then while driving up North say, "you know, you didn't have to come if you didn't want." And then continue to paint her nails in the front seat of the car, but won't roll down the windows because it will mess her hair up.
- Dogs always prefer it doggy style.
- Dogs don't mind if you forget their birthday.
Also, having them put down is socially acceptable.
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