Wild Speculation

On the Higgs boson:

Tracy: Sir, I need you for a minute.
God: I'm sorry did you say something?
Tracy: (sigh) This is important, sir. Can you tear yourself away from that football game for just a second?
God: But they need me! It's regional championships.
Tracy: Sir. This is important.
God: (Slaps his Macbook shut.) Fine. What is it now? Sloths too slow?
Tracy: The humans are asking serious questions about matter. Particles. They want to know what gives them mass.
God: That's it? Just burn the answer into a taco or something.
Tracy: But we don't know sir.
God: Shouldn't we have figured this out already? Just look in the Big Bang Binder.
Tracy: (curtly) Well, the day we were supposed to have figured it out it was the NCAA finals.
God:
Tracy:
God: Fine, just develop a new force.
Tracy: That won't work. They have a model.
God: OK... then make it a field that interacts with particles to give them mass.
Tracy: A field? Made up of what?
God: I dunno, more particles?
Tracy: Whatever you say, sir.
God: And make these actually hard to discover for My sake. I've gotta get back to this game.