Congratulations on your purchase of the Label Pro 500, Deluxe Labelmaker. Whoop-de-do. I know it's exciting. I can barely contain myself, either. But before you set off to a wonderland of thrill-a-minute labelmaking tomfoolery, take a minute and read this manual won't you? You might learn something for Chrissake.
First of all, let's not kid ourselves. You're going to use this thing for one week, two tops. You'll label everything in your house, and then remember that you already knew what everything was. Then you'll be out of blank labels and won't want to shell out for more. I see this all the time. Welcome to rock bottom, sucker. Ready for another fix?
There are a lot of interesting and useful features in the Label Pro 500. It has a keyboard so you can type words. And a green button labelled "PRINT" that well, I'll let you guess what happens when you press it. Are you keeping up so far, Einstein? That's it. That's fucking it. I mean, you can make the letters italic if you want, but no one ever does that.
What do you need labelled so badly anyway? That precious dollar-store coffee mug you've been keeping unwashed at your desk, for fear that someone will take it from the staff kitchen? A label isn't going to do shit about that situation hombre. You just need to stop being such a pussy and murder the next man who takes that mug. It would have saved you $80 too.
Or maybe it's to keep all your file folders straight. Quick tip: use a pen. It's two orders of magnitude less time to accomplish, and doesn't involve you pecking away at a keyboard designed for a marmoset.
Are you really so stupid to have purchased an electronic label maker? I'd sigh out loud if I wasn't a set of instructions at the bottom of a label maker carton.
Do not immerse in water. Takes four AA batteries, not included.
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