Surely religious services would be more enjoyable (that is, tolerable) if the participants were permitted to get baked beforehand. Proposal: a smoking section in every mosque, church, temple, damp basement or wherever the hell it is people go to abandon their sense of logic and mull over fairy tales.
This smoking section would consist of a sealed-off partition with its own ventilation. At the front there would be a small stove upon which would be placed a hefty brick of delicious herb. The people sitting in their pews -- nay, couches -- would then reach for the conveniently-placed tube originating from under their seats and inhale the sweet, sweet cheeba. Holy smoke, man. Whoa, that was completely accidental. Hahahaha! But it would be wicked, right? Another idea: could we hand out Doritos instead of the Eucharist? What? Too crunchy? I hear you brah. Is cool.
Over the course of the sermon, the partition would fill with smoke until it resembled a giant and gently undulating white box. It would be warm to the touch and sound like coughing and muted utterances of "dude." God willing, it would contain a foosball table. It would be pretty glorious. And there is little doubt in my mind that that the message of any religion would be amplified both in efficacy and in "awesomeness" through the hazy lens of this pot-filled vestibule.
In a way, this smoky white box is the perfect metaphor for religion; it's opaque, filled with passive dunderheads, and easily dispelled with a few purposeful swipes of an arm. Zing!
(And I didn't even mention the hot air or carcinogens.)
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