Dear Tennessee Springs Café Co.,
The other day while enjoying your Tennessee Springs Café brand Mountain Sky Blend my kitchen, a strange thing happened. Now, before I begin, I must note I am not one to send in a complaint lightly, merely to solicit freebies from a manufacturer. On the contrary, I revere your coffee and commend everyone at Tennessee Springs for their hard work in making your wonderful brew.
That said, I write this letter to draw attention to what could become a serious issue for your company and its product. It makes you want she-males.
This may sound alarming and possibly laughable, but you must take this seriously. I noticed the change almost immediately. Two weeks ago in my kitchen, I was sorting through the groceries I had just purchased. I at last pulled out my new canister of Mountain Sky House Blend -- a necessary addition to any shopping cart -- and, because I cannot resist its pleasant aroma and rich robust taste, decided to brew myself a cup.
I was halfway through my second mug when first started to feel a strange sensation. My wife was also in the kitchen, washing some vegetables for dinner, and I remember distinctly feeling a strong urge to have sex with her. Now, of course, there is nothing out of the ordinary about that, except this time I felt like I wanted my wife of 22 years to bend me over the sink and mount me, with her real, working, cock.
I assure you I have never had such longings before, and that never before had I felt like I wanted to be fucked by my wife if she had man-parts. Frankly speaking, the idea repulses me. But as I sit here writing this letter, savouring a warm mug of your delicious brew, I can't help but want a chick with a dick.
I hope you will take this into consideration for your future products.
Keep up the otherwise great work.
Harvey Kornbluth
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