Inappropriate things to say to a man who just had his penis cleaved in two

For starters:

• Pal, no need to go off half-cocked.
• I'll just have half a hot dog, one is too much for me.
• Well, call me Suzie and chop my dick in two.
• (Sung in the voice of Scott Weiland) Well, I'm half the man I used to be.
• Hey guys. I just got back from my Large Penis Support Group meeting.
  
• I heard you got your penis chopped in two. You know that makes you 50% eunuch right?
• Hey Demi!
• Lovely weather we're having isn't it?

And also:

• Of course. I'd chop my penis off for another slice of tiramisu!
  

And obviously:

• Did it hurt?