To whom it may concern (i.e., Nancy, the fat executive assistant at my cousin's law firm):
Would you please cease referring to the image on your desktop background as a "screen saver"? A screen saver is a program designed to keep static images from "burning" into your monitor's phosphors. (A problem, I might add, that monitors have not really suffered from since 1995.)
The "really cool" picture you downloaded of a Labrador retriever holding a rag doll in its adorable widdle jaws that is "like, soo cute" taking up the space behind the icons on your desktop is called a wallpaper. It does not move. Screen savers move. In fact, it is the very essence of a screen saver that it is a dynamic image with changing colours and shapes.
But wallpaper, to paraphrase Galileo, does not move. If they made desktop backgrounds that were animated (and they do) you might have a case for calling it a screen saver. But in your case, your photograph of Marbles the fucking adorable doggy is completely static. Yes, he is soo cute, but it is not a screen saver. Not a screen saver.
We'll talk about "logging on" to web sites another time.
All best,
Harvey
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