Now hiring

Seeking a well-rounded and energetic individual to fill a maternity position, at a small and dynamic firm in downtown Toronto.  You will be assisting me in a variety of office-related and not-so-office-related tasks.  The ideal candidate is well-versed in Microsoft Office, is a strong communicator, and can lift 50 lbs.  Job duties include:

• having sex with management
• becoming pregnant with management's offspring
• bearing and subsequently rearing the offspring

Must have at least 3-5 years experience gestational/admin. experience.  Because this position involves getting pregnant we ask that barren women and the Irish not apply.  Apply today if you know how to use Offset in MS Excel.

We are an equal opportunity employer (but no fatties).

• Location: Toronto
• Compensation: Getting the business from yours truly
• Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
• Please, no phone calls about this job!
• Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.