A sternly worded letter to GO Transit

Boys,

A few things.

For starters your ticket prices are insane. Six bucks to get to Milton? Most sane people I know would pay twice that to leave that shithole. Please adjust your rates to reflect reality.

And also: everyone knows that your habit of running one train per hour (or fewer) is nothing short of total weaksauce. If you can't step up your game in this department (I'm guessing you don't have the stones or the smarts to pull that off), could you at least have trains run later than two in the morning? That's might be the time people stop purchasing alcohol, but I usually need a moment or two to down my glass. Could you please give drunks a few minutes to get to the station?

Oh, and this might be a long shot, but why not serve some refreshments on the trip? It would be nice if you served alcohol — though this strikes me as too brilliant an idea for you to touch — so I'm not going to insist. Coffee or water could be swell though, and an excellent source of revenue. Think about it.

While we're on the subject, why are there zero cupholders on the train? Is this to dissuade commuters from drinking? If so, I've got some news for your fucks: it doesn't work. There are more people holding drinks than not holding drinks on any morning commute. Give them someplace to rest those motherfuckers. Don't be dicks about it.

And those new TVs you installed? They suck.

That's it for now. Other than that, keep up the mediocre work. I would expect nothing less (and not much more to be honest) from an agency with "Ontario" in its name.

Yours,

Harvey K