What's the deal with celery? Who decided that it's suddenly "king of the vegetables"? "Look at me, I'm celery, I'm so crunchy. I'm clearly superior to other vegetables." Please.
These days people lose their shit when they see Celery at the supermarket. Suddenly, your sweet little-old-lady-neighbour is beating you with her umbrella and screaming "rape" just to get her hands on the last stalk. Cool it lady, I don't even like celery! Celery thinks it's so great. "Look at me, I'm in a bloody Caesar. I get to bathe in Clamato." Come off it, you leafy loser.
But speaking of Caesars, how many of you guys have ever been to Vegas? Yeah, it's a helluva town. I went just a little while ago, and you know, I couldn't help but notice how healthy their homeless population looked. Yeah, have you noticed this? I think they must all go tanning, because their skin looks amazing. A guy asked me for a quarter on the strip and I was like, "why, so you can buy some bronzer?" Seriously, another guy had a sign that said, "please spare some change for food, body butter." Man, I love that town.
So I checked out a few strip clubs while I was there but it was strange. Strip clubs in Vegas are a little different: women start out naked, but then slowly but their clothes back on in time with the music. No, for real. You didn't know this? Yeah, it blew my mind. There were people yelling "put it on!" For the final number, a dancer put on a pair of coveralls, an angora sweater, a parka, and topped it off with a down comforter. It was pretty entertaining actually, but I couldn't see the show that well. This guy at the table in front of me was nursing a giant stalk of celery that was blocking my view. Why the hell did he have to hold it upright for the entire show? God, I hate celery.
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