Daaad!

Jamie's dad was forever embarrassing him.

It was last May, and Jamie was walking home from school with some friends. Unbeknown to him, his dad was waiting for him, on the front lawn, playing lawn darts, in the nude, with a homemade set. He had used duct tape to affix knitting needles and swizzle sticks inside empty bottles of wine, ice wine, and Jack Daniel's. Jamie's dad had even taken the time to affix crude flaps made of cardboard (also applied with duct tape), for aerodynamic purposes. These efforts made for a poor lawn dart of course, but Jamie's dad seemed not to care; and as Jamie walked home, the bastard stood naked, and utterly intoxicated, tossing empty glass bottles high into the air with reckless abandon.

As Jamie approached the edge of his property, he and his friends heard a smash and a moist thud.

It was only a few more steps down the sidewalk, but Jamie was just in time to see his dad collapse in a stupor on the blue-green lawn. Gurgles of vomit dripped from the man's chin and nose, and Jamie could see glints of broken glass fragments sticking to his bare legs where blood was pouring out. The lawn was covered with broken knitting needles, empty bottles and the related jade-green shards, a crude ellipse spray-painted in red (presumably a target), and a pile of human feces (presumably Jamie's father's). Jamie's friends were speechless. Jamie rolled his eyes.

"Daaad!"