Fuck the 90s

I'm not adept with women. My hamartia is not that I'm brusque, awkward or unfunny. I'm smoove as fuck, y'all. But I do have a weakness for batting eyelashes on brunettes with the gentlest of waves in their hair, especially when they flash Pan-Am smiles and find everything I say hilarious, and indeed down another cocktail and talk with me until the bar closes and put then they put their hand on my kneecap and follow me home. That's like, totally my type.

But guys, she was born in the '90s.

I don't know what to make of this. When it comes right down to it, I can't in good conscience fuck someone who I know was struggling with cursive writing when I was breathing in Must-See TV and wearing No Fear shirts. Can I?

Chris Isaak is as relevant to her as Frankie Goes To Hollywood is to me (i.e., not very) and Nickelodeon is something completely different for her. I'm a YCDTOTV and she's an All That. She also uses words like "cray" and "hella" whereas I can't even handle the use of "impact" as a verb.

In a town as small as this, it's likely I will see this girl again, and I will have to ask myself: does it matter that she doesn't know who Bronson Pinchot is? I haven't even mentioned pogs.

She's hella cute though. This is so confusing.