Is there anything more pointless than inviting porn stars to appear on morning radio? For starters, the morning commute is no place to be jerking off, I don't care how slow going it is. But that's not even the point. The fact is, as concerns the task of capturing the essence of cum-guzzling sluts, the medium of radio is definitely the worst-suited for the job. (Even below Kabuki.)
For starters, since you can't see them, you surrender about ninety-nine percent of appeal of adult film stars. Your morning DJ's lackluster eloquence fails to fill in that void. Descriptions invariably range from "so hot" to "smokin'" which isn't sufficient to spark my imagination. And announcing breast sizes is also pretty useless. I can tell an egg from a grapefruit sure, but numbers and letters are useless to me. And is it me or do all porn stars have have double dees?
I don't know how Howard Stern got famous doing this, but everyone else should give it a rest. Even cooking on television, a practice I hate, makes more sense than this. I may not be able taste the soup but I can at least see it's not a total disaster. But radio with porn stars -- at 7 am no less -- is just fucking stupid. Until you agree to start giving away blow jobs for the seventh caller in (and why you don't is beyond me), let's just stick with the screwball antics and coke-fueled morning pranks we're used to.
Sincerely,
Harvey
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