Christmas in your mouth

It can be really, really difficult talking to my friend Darryl:

Darryl: Have you ever tried to... you know?
Harvey: What?
Darryl: You know...
Harvey: Hm. Nope. I think you have to be more specific.
Darryl: Go down...
Harvey: Yes?
Darryl: On... yourself?
Harvey: Christ. No, not ever.
Darryl:: Bullshit, you obviously have.
Harvey: What? How common is this practice?
Darryl: C'mon; you wouldn't suck your own dick if you could?
Harvey: I would not.
Darryl: Once again, bullshit. You give yourself handjobs don't you?
Harvey: No, Darryl. Those aren’t handjobs. No more than looking at yourself in a mirror is voyeurism.
Darryl: What if you could just suck your own dick – just once. Would you?
Harvey: That doesn't sweeten the deal, Darryl. What are you getting at?
Darryl: I did it.
Harvey: Christ in heaven.
Darryl: Last night, I finally did it.
Harvey: Well, congratulations. Was it everything you hoped it would be?
Darryl: In fact--
Harvey: Actually: shut up, dude.
Darryl: Don’t you wanna know what happened?
Harvey: You twisted your body to allow your penis to enter your mouth. Anything further--
Darryl: No, man. It's so much more than that.
Harvey: Please don't elaborate.
Darryl: It was like landing on the moon.
Harvey: I'm sure that's an apt comparison.
Darryl: No really, the thrill of just barely getting it in--
Harvey: You have to stop talking.
Darryl: Well, I'm sorry if the idea of being able to blow myself makes you uncomfortable.
Harvey: Christ.
Darryl: It was skydiving from the top of Mount Everest.
Harvey: Really.
Darryl: It was like Christmas, man. Like Christmas fucking Day.
Harvey: I don’t really celebrate—
Darryl: It was like when your mom brings you breakfast in bed when you’re sick from school.
Harvey: Dear God.
Darryl: Um.
Harvey: I gotta go, Darryl.