Tonight's specials

Alaskan King Crab

$45
What a pain in the ass this is. You won't care how many men died to bring this crustacean in: this highly sought-after King is a "royal" pain in the ass. It's a Goddamned tangle of fish, ice and spiky exoskeleton and you're armed only with a useless nutcracker and a glorified skewer with two tiny tines on the end to get to it. Irritating. You'll want to give the entire dish a once over with a wooden mallet just to get the ball rolling. But you can't. Served with roasted potatoes.

Filet Mignon

$23
So what it's tender? It's not worth it dude. After the three seconds it takes you to down this morsel, you'll be asking for some reading material to keep you entertained while everyone else finishes their adult-sized portions. Is it worth it to get a lower-quality steak just to feel like you had something to chew on? You decide.  Served with your choice of side.

French Onion Soup

$12
Served in a nauseatingly cute glazed porcelain bowl, the french onion soup lives up to its reputation of being the only thing with the colour and texture of meningitic mucus, while being edible too. If I asked you to wash down a cup of melted cheese with some gravy, would you do it? Then why are you ordering this shit?

Chicken and Ribs

$30
Make a decision, you Goddamned pig. Served with fries (oink) or garden salad.

Big Nachos

$19
We took fresh sour cream, spicy salsa, seasoned ground beef, and every item from your vegetable crisper and piled them high on corn torilla chips. Then we added about forty other ingredients, and a kilogram of cheese. Good luck finding a chip to hold on to; this snack is truly out of control. It's fucking retarded. Perfect for sharing!