Reasons for committing suicide

You know, there are days and there are days. And sometimes one of those days should be your last. Dontcha think? Don't take my word for it. Here are some reasons to hasten death's hand to your lousy worthless throat:

• Outed by your wife
• Too much beauty in the world
• Really can't find that pen. (It was right. here. Are you sure you didn't take it?)
• Featured on NPR but not on This American Life
• Only one naked in the hot-tub
• Refuse to abandon your commonly held misconceptions
• Assume your Toad the Wet Sprocket CDs might be saleable on eBay
• Anorexia is taking too damn long
• Saw the forest, but not the trees
• Thought she was waving at you; partially waved back but corrected to fix hair at last minute
• Hate everything about yourself

I won't stop you.