Religion reform #25

The Book Of The Toucan is filled with lots of fucked up lists. The Toucan is particularly weird about his proclivity for ordered lists. From a section called "What Frosts The Toucan's Cupcakes":

1. Short forms. Thou shalt say the whole word or words.

2. Men kissing. I don't want to see that shit.

3. Biting of styles. Thou shalt be original and on trend.

4. Speed dating in general. It's creepy and weird.

5. Bragging about one's virginity. Punch that v-card already. 

And on and on it goes. 

On books unread

I have a confession to make.

There sits on my bookshelf an entire row of books unread. I even buy new reading materials as these books sit with their spines intact and their contents a mystery to me. Why? I derive utility from merely owning books with titles I find pleasing to me.

What utility? It's not like I brag about the books I own, nor do I give tours of my bookshelf. The only person it would seem that I am trying to impress is me, which is obviously really goddamn fucking sad.

I even borrowed a book from a friend the other day; it's almost abusive on some level. Should I read it? I think I might just return it with a note that says, "I am a failure." I feel like a man with a filthy secret.

But now you know it. It's not that I can't read; I merely don't. This explains a lot doesn't it?