Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves

I would strongly recommend you take the time to read the story of Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves. If you lack the time you could let me summarize:

Ali Baba is in the woods crouching behind a juniper bush watching exactly forty thieves who are gathered around the entrance of a cave that is opened by a secret password. Ali Baba watches the thieves, notes the password and returns later to kife some goods. When a friend of Ali Baba's finds out about the cave, he acquiesces and spills the password. Problem is, the friend gets trapped inside and the thieves find him and chop him to pieces.

Burying chunks is awkward so Ali Baba brings the bro-chunks to his slave girl, Morgiana. She suggests they pay a local tailor Baba Mustafa to stitch the body back up. Not sure why. They make sure to blindfold Baba Mustafa to protect their identity and get him to do the job.

Thieves find out that their body is gone, but luckily they run into Baba Mustafa who can't shut up about all the recent bodies he has stitched together. Even with the blindfold, Baba is deece at retracing his steps. The thieves find the house he worked at and mark it with an X so they can return later to ice the family that lives there. Our girl Morgiana catches wind of this plan and marks every house in the 'hood with an X. Thieves are baffled. They try again the next day by chipping the front step of each house but Morgiana retaliates similarly. The day after that thieves say "fuck it, let's start paying attention to relevant details about the household" they want to destroy. The thieves' bossman shows up with forty large jars filled with —you guessed it — forty vengeful thieves. As mentioned before, Morgiana is too smart for this and pours hot oil on all the thieves ending their lives. Bossman flees.

Years pass.

The boss thief establishes himself as a merchant, befriends Ali Baba's son (who is now in charge of his late chopped-up friend's business), and is invited to dinner at Ali Baba's house. The thief is recognized by Morgiana, who knifes him almost immediately. First Ali Baba is angry but then he gives Morgiana her freedom and marries her to his son.

The end.

I left out seventy-two pages of detail but let is suffice to say that this is one convoluted and ridiculous story. Hot oil? Is forty jars of thieves any way to kill a family? In the name of Ibrahim, these people are Muslim. They couldn't figure out who to kill a boy and his slave? Why did they have to stitch up his friend? I hate this story.